It doesn’t have to be rape to be assault

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Photo by Sebastian Molina fotografía on Unsplash

I have been internet dating for a long time. I actually met my husband on AOL 23 years ago. When I started dating again four years ago, I was comfortable with the concept. I was always careful. I got to know them as well as I could first. I arranged a meeting in a familiar public place. I let my friends know who I was meeting and where. And I never left with them.

I felt like I was a good judge of character. Most of the dates didn’t turn into…


I won’t settle for less anymore

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Photo by @gebhartyler on Unsplash

He kisses me with an intoxicating mix of tenderness and passion. I feel at home in his arms. He gently sweeps the hair from my face and rests his palm on my cheek as he kisses me deeper. I melt and press my body against his. His arms hold me in a secure embrace. I feel safe. It’s been so long since I’ve felt safe with a man. I’ve let many men into this space. So few deserved it. My desire to fill the emptiness made me willing to give an audition to anyone…


My sister’s advice put me on a path of self-discovery and self-worth

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Photo by Art of Hoping on Unsplash

My sister and I are opposites in almost everything. She’s blonde and short, I’m brunette and tall. She’s a fearless, outspoken lawyer in NYC, and I’m a self-conscious, introverted teacher in Utah. She was a rebellious teenager, while I tried to be the good girl, at least until I moved out at 18.

Our love lives were opposite as well. My sister started dating early. She sometimes dated casually and sometimes seriously, and went out with all types of men. She gladly left the dating scene when she met her future husband at 36.

On the other hand, I didn’t…


The cast of characters that seem to keep popping up in my circle

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Photo by Maria Teneva on Unsplash

It seems like I keep meeting the same guys over and over in polyamorous dating, bad apples I’ve either met or who I’ve seen friends date. They are so prevalent that I’ve come to start naming them. While my experience is with primarily straight, cis-gendered men, I would imagine that many of these toxic behaviors could apply to women and other groups. There are many amazing, mature men in polyamory; these are a sampling of the men who don’t fall into that category.

The Buffet Loader

Many people understandably go through some variation of this phase when they first discover…


Judging ourselves, and each other, too harshly in non-monogamy

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Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

Recently, I wrote an article revealing my shameful secret. It was a secret I barely dared speak, even to myself. My secret?

Even though I’m in a polyamorous marriage, I don’t know if I’m actually polyamorous.

I was afraid to confide this doubt to anyone in my life, especially my husband. Not only was I fearful of the repercussions in our marriage, but I also didn’t want the judgment that might come from my friends and the community.

The only reason I felt safe enough to confess what I saw as a failure is because I stumbled on the concept…


The accidental swipe should have crushed me, but it made me laugh… and gave me closure.

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Photo by Jonas Leupe on Unsplash

I wasn’t a newbie to polyamory when I met Mr. G almost two years ago, but I wasn’t exactly an expert. I had dated enough to know good men were hard to find, but was also new enough to be swept off my feet by one who fooled me. Something I learned the hard way is that if they have to keep telling you they are a nice guy, they probably aren’t a nice guy.

Something I learned the hard way is that if they have to keep telling you they are a nice guy, they probably aren’t a nice…


Ambiamory and my relationship identity

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Photo by Shelby Deeter on Unsplash

A little over three years after my husband and I opened up our 20-year monogamous marriage, I am still struggling to find where I fit into non-monogamy. I recently wrote about my discovery of the term ambiamory, a relationship orientation wherein the person can be perfectly happy being in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, depending on the situation. After spending so much energy trying to decide if I was polyamorous or not, it was a liberating discovery to find that I don’t have to fit into either box.

I love my husband very much. We have a wonderful history and…


How not fitting into a box has given me the freedom to investigate without shame and self-judgment.

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Photo by Madison Compton on Unsplash

I am a hopeless romantic. From a very young age, I dreamed of finding someone to fall madly in love with, have a white wedding with all my friends there, buy a house in the suburbs and have 2.5 kids. The relationship escalator was ingrained in me by society and its ideals portrayed in every movie, TV show and love song.

It was also deeply revered by my religious upbringing in a Mormon household. …

Kathleen Lloyd

Nom de plume du jour. Delving into the subjects of polyamory, sex, relationships, and past trauma. Exploring my past to understand my present.

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